I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
