I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
