Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
