im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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