We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
