If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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