my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
