He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
