i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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