When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
