we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
