if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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