Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
