You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
