I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
