Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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