there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
