I will die if light touches me.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
