If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
