dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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