It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
