I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
