and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
