Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
