I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
