Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
