i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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