kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
