Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
