my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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