You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think your dad took our porno
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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