mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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