I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
