thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
