I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
