i was born a porn star she said
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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