I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
