just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
