you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
