Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
