I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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