who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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