I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
