Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
