I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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