I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
