Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Randomize
