so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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