My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
