Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
