the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
