We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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