My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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